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I am so tired. There is so much pressure at work to get more done. We have more work so instead of hiring more people they are just saying to go faster. My boss told me I had to get 240 proofs efiled today. I got 140 done. Which was still probably 2x as many as Maria but I am no sure how many Harrison got done. He is super fast & nick loves him but apparently he makes s lot of mistakes. He is a young cocky hipster & really annoys me. It is the arrogance that gets to me.

Jesse has been being ruder & meaner & snarly. I finally complained to Shaena today. If he ever finds out my work & home life are so screwed. But she had noticed it too. He is just so angry all the time. But he is in charge & I am supposed to go to him with questions only he snaps when I do. I think someone said something because he was nicer this afternoon. I don🐂

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I have been thinking about you. Especially you, bobby. I liked your message on Facebook. I am sure this is not an easy time & you have a million different thoughts & feelings. Way to handle things gracefully, whatever inner clash you may be feeling.

Did so many things thus weekend. I am down to the wire for art events. This weekend is exterminator city & next weekend I hang art at Miro for the m

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Quiet Christmas. Christmas Eve I went to drawing group - I guess it is not entirely surprising that there were only 2 of us. We sat in the bar. They only had soup for food because they sent the cooks home early. The place was open in Christmas Day so I am glad the cooks got Christmas Eve off.

Then Christmas Day I wrapped gifts, watched the muppets Christmas carol, finished gifts for family & napped. There were not many people at work Christmas ever or today but I had enough to do. Just barely on Christmas Eve but plenty today.

Christmas with family tomorrow. Hope it goes well. I just went to trophy cupcake & got pretty cupcakes for that, 2 gluten free.

Seems most Xmas posts are:
Complaining about family. S

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Abc was not Christmassy at all this year. No party. Some employees brought in treats but the company did not even get doughnuts or anything. Some departments got out a little early today, like an hour, but not mine. Only about half of us were there today & we were running out of work. I started my Friday work this afternoon. It was hard to feel motivated after 3 because a bunch of people were drinking bourbon like 10' away. I think I will bring in some eggnog on Friday.

I am going to Ballard sketch team tonight but there may only be 2 of us. Based on rsvps. No plans tomorrow. & I do not think I am imaging it that my mother is mad at me because she was emailing me every day but I have not heard from her all week.

I may try to clean up enough to put up the tree t

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So glad it is the weekend. The new thing I have been doing at work for about a month has now gone away & I learned a different new thing today. Well, am learning. I think there are 94 pages of notes. Yes, really. Details for each court in each county in Texas. Texas has 254 counties and they each have multiple courts. Gerri would gate my j

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Not a very exciting weekend, though I got some rest. I had a bad head cold. I went out Saturday because I thought I needed some sun & got groceries & 10 books for $10 at the library book sale. This was not the big one, this was a mini pop-up one. They had really good selection, I bet they did well. That library is always busy on Saturday.

I worked some art & did some chores but not enough. All that will get done till next weekend.

My birthday was Monday. I took the day off, which was good so I could get over my cold. I did not do anything. My sister called, my sister texted. Diane sent me flowers (beautiful autumn roses with oak leaves) & sandy sent me a Starbucks card. My sister sent me some drawing paper & colored mechanical pencil lead. I sent her earrings I made, a shawl I knit, & 3 kinds of m&ms (our childhood nickname was m&m).

Back to work today. I think I am going to see if I can move downstairs. My new work requires a lot of concentration & Maria R talks way too much & too loudly. Maria Y sits on the other side of me but she is quieter & calmer. Much better. Anyway downstairs I will be closer to the people who can answer the questions I have about new task. They are adding more work to my department & we will have 1 less person. I cannot see how this can possible work. They have added an awful lot of work to my team over the last month as they have laid off people in satellite offices.

I just picked up my artwork from the day if the dead show & went to dick blick & got an arches block & a few other little things. The 9 x 12 blocks are

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some recent work.

monster village, 8 x 10"


Jack, 5x5"


Creature Castle, 8 x 10"


Trick or Treat, 5x5"


owl, 5x7"

Scan_20140929 (2)

Bear Shaman, 5x5"


this is my 1st update from my new laptop. still getting used to the keyboard and trackpad. the mac keyboard was smaller and the keys were closer together. also the trackpad only had one button. it will take me a bit to get used to this. it does run much much cooler than the mac- that is nice.

it's been a week since the stroke. I have not heard much today. my sister should have arrived today. I am sure everyone is busy. if someone told my mother a week ago that by this time she would have figured out how to run the dishwasher, figured out how to use her cellphone (mostly) and started posting on facebook (only in the smith group which has 4 people in it.) well, she would not ever have believed it.

I will call tomorrow night. I think she is getting lots of phone calls and is getting overwhelmed. I am tired anyway. I just got home from the drawing group. I am thinking of going less to the Tuesday one. well, I guess I am going less. I am not enjoying it as much as I did. I guess when Melanie and I were friends and ben was still there I enjoyed it more. not that I want ben to come back. and I did not want to be Melanie's soul mate either though I did want to be friends. but I still wanted to have my own thoughts and opinions and she was just so intense all the time and so bitter about the dissapointments that she continuously set herself up for by placing her idea of happiness outside of her own self. not that I have the answers.

so anyway, I am home and I am glad to be home, it is quiet. I made pumpkin muffins last night but I made the recipe up and it needs more tinkering. trying to eat better. I usually pack both breakfast and lunch. so breakfast today was pumpkin muffin, raspberries, and almonds. lunch was slices of cheese and summer sausage, cheese, marinated broccoli, and a rice stick. + 2 small chocolates. we won't discuss dinner. I was on the go and no one is perfect.

no plans for the rest of the week, other than work. I am glad. our team is under extra scrutiny now. it is possible there will be some layoffs at my company though not necessarily on my team. I got in trouble for making some mistakes last week but I think I am back on track now. still it makes me nervous. but I did very well today and yesterday.
Summer germs broken but I think it will be back. There has been rain & thunder & flooding the last couple if days. Given how dark the theater is anyway it is pretty gloomy in here. I am taking a break now the room that would be the downstairs lunchroom if it did not have a ping pong table instead of a lunch table. I could move in. It would make a great apartment. 100-year old brick walls, big windows with views of trees, a full bathroom, kitchenette, and a loft where the bed could go. I think this space was once a separate business. When the hotel & theater were in this building there was a print shop somewhere & I think this is it. You can tell the door opening was cut through the bricks.

So tired. I hope some of this iron is getting absorbed but it has been a week & I am getting out of breath & feeling dizzy just as much as last week. Tonight is Ballard sketch team. I also have to go to lab & library but they are on the way. i skipped sicaga last night. I find I can only do, at most, 2 things each week other than work, there is a BBQ Saturday that one of the sicaga guys is having so that & sketch team tonight are my 2 things. Experience suggests that anything more will be too much for my body. It does not matter if they are things i want to do, or not phyicslly draining, just sitting really, the result is the same. would like to hibernate until the sun comes back. This would probably all be easier without the 1.5-2 hours commuting added on.

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May. 18th, 2014

After waiting a week for the email Ben promised to send me, I sent him an email inquiring what was going on. That was 2.5 days ago. So I guess no answer was my answer. Feeling exhausted & depressed & stupid for letting myself trust or get attached to anyone.

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