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So tired. This was the year to buy a new winter coat since mine was threadbare. & I knew it had to be soon. Tried getting one online but it did not fit right & I had to send it back. I had errands to do all week & I decided Friday was coat day. Probably should have gone earlier because it has been snowing. So I went after work. Actually getting the coat was easy but I also needed a gift for my sister & that ended up taking much longer. She is rather more conservative in her clothing tastes. I did finally find something & I got over 7700 steps & I am still on the bus home. But exhausted. I am also or still sick. 1/2 the people in my corner at work are having sinus issues & I do not know if it is the building or a virus but we are all pretending we are not sick because there is so much to do. I finally got the proof queues under 7 days old. They want under 24 hours old. There were about 1400 when I left & to put it in perspective I usually file about 140–160/day.

This is the coat I got. The website says 30% off but it was 40% off at the store. My last coat lasted about 10 years so I hope this one lasts a long time. That is my intention in buying an expensive coat anyway. Also I wanted it to be at least mid thigh length & warm & have a hood & pockets.


Oct. 21st, 2017

After having lupus flare up for 2 days (a medium sized one one, not like my every day symptoms) I did stay home Friday. Slept & read in bed all day. Feel like I am getting better. Trying to focus on how I went 2 months without anything that bad instead of feeling defective. By 2011 I was having these flares like this 3–4x a month & by 2013 it was 2x a week at best. Even though some individual daily symptoms (pain) are worse now, I am having less frequent bad flares. Due to the medication.

One of my fb friends has been paleo a lot but has kind of drifted from it recently & was asking for veggies recipes & someone gave her a recipe that called for, among other things, 1 can tomatoes & frozen okra. I found that kind of funny but of course frozen veggies are better than no veggies & in most cases better than canned veggies but I do not think that was what C was asking for.

I just drank 2 cups coffee after no coffee yesterday so I hope my headache gets better. I did knit a little yesterday. Every time I knit a scarf with sock yarn I say never again & yet I have the yarn for 2 sock yarn scarfs & I am knitting them. Very slowly. Easy chevron pattern using 2 different self striping yarns alternating every 2 rows so the colors keep changing. The predominant color is green. This is on the needles, before blocking (though it will not need much blocking.)
Still so hot & awful air quality. I took the day off & it was ok until around 3 when the house had reached an unpleasant temperatures. I almost bailed on the twin peaks art show but I really wanted to go & I have a piece in it so I got up, wiped the acrylic paint off my knees, put in a dress & heels & makeup & off I go. I am on the bus right now, fortunately one with AC but it is still pretty hot.

It has to be really hot before I will wear a short dress with bare legs & it is indeed really hot. I have been taking notes this week & I have seen plenty of women with legs no better than mine wearing shorts & dresses. One might even say my legs are not bad given my age. My twin sister got the good legs in the family but I got the cheekbones & good hair. A couple women st work have worn skirts so short their butt cheeks show when they walk & I think that is not good at work. Also I heard one say "I am wearing short shorts. They feel like underwear. Denim underwear."

When I got out of my shower this morning Emma was by the door to my room & later I found evidence that the cats have been fighting - ripped out fur. Looks like Emma's based on length. But I do not think anything too awful is going to happen & Emma spent most of the day in my room getting in my way, stealing my chair, trying to stick her head in my chips bag, and trying to drink paint water. (I <3 black bean & brown rice chips.) then I think she decided to go back to the basement to cool down.

I started the background for my piece for the verity credit union teen art benefit auction. They provided the 18x18" panel & crap, that is huge. This will be interesting. I need to have it done by the 19th. I am comfortable with square shape but it is a bit bigger than I am used to.
I was having ibs at work & I took an Ativan. A whole one, not sure why I did that Normally I would have half at work. After about an hour I started to feel better than I was but also very tired & eventually brain fog &
Lots of upper body pain- fascia & I think osteoarthritis in neck. Probably not really related to Ativan but I am sure it did not help the brain fog. I wanted to
Go straight home after work but I had to pick up RXes. The bus was very slow & crowded. I had a sideways seat & I wanted to
Lean against the wall there was not one. I was so tired. Got my stuff & took another bus 10 blocks & then walked 6 blocks. The 1st of the 6 is straight up the side of the ridge. Seattle really has more than 7 hills but there are/ were 7 big ones. They used one to make harbor island.

I was happy to be home & immediately lay down. After a little while audin came home & started watching YouTube in his office sonI had to shut my bedroom door. That is the one think about when he is home. I do love silence. I fell asleep on
My bed and then He went
Out probably for a beer & I woke up when he started his motorbike. So I ate a little
So I could take a muscle relaxant & took a quick shower. Once it kicks i will hopefully go to sleep &
If not I certainly will not be capable of doing anything.

89 today, 93 tomorrow, 98 Thursday, 97 Friday. Today was not too bad & I guess I can manage tomorrow but Thursday & Friday will be rough. especially the commute. Many of the buses do not gave AC or have underpowered AC. Work
Has AC. This house does not, tho it has 4 ceiling fans. I have Friday off & am going to the twin peaks opening that night. The gallery is partially underground, it is usually tolerable.

This is my new painting of agent Cooper. I have prints of it & prints of the David lynch painting I did last year & stickers.
I took the bus downtown this morning then transferred to the link train & took it to the furthest stop south, a little past the airport & my mom picked me up. We had brunch at their fancy monthly buffet (why are these waiters pushing champagne on old people?) and then stopped by to see doug but he was asleep & only sort of woke up so we went back to her apartment (same complex) & talked for a few hours, I helped her measure some furniture for potential reorganization & locate some things in the closets. Her place is not dirty but very cluttered & still not entirely unpacked from moving in February. It is the weaving stuff that is not entirely unpacked. She wants to get more bookshelves which will help. My sister is going to stay with her for a week & help. I will probably go down again for a day when marti is here.

It was nice enough but I am glad to be home & for quiet. I have been a bit more tired than usual this week though I am not sure why. Audin was listening to 60s rock but he just left with a friend & it is blissfully quiet now. I mostly finished reorganizing my room & I wish I had had more art time this weekend. I also want to make more origami boxes for beads. It works well to make from cardstock - I have some Tim Holtz stuff.

Box -

Audin has been in a better mood this week than he has been in months. I think that was his last business trip for a while - I hope - and he has actually been talking a little more than he was & seeming less angry in general. He is not talking about his mom or work but he is talking a tiny but in general which he was barely doing. He spent the day in his shop yesterday & built a 2nd fancier wooden server rack & shelf for the laundry room. It fits into the shower. There is a shower with a lip & no door (uses curtain but he took down the rod) & underneath the shelf is Emma's litter box. Strange place for it but the shower floor is easy to clean, the lip help contain the litter, & since this house has 3 other bathrooms we just do not use that one. It is one of those odd laundry / bathroom combos. So now there is a waist high shelf / table sort of deal that perfectly fits the shower shell & one can fold laundry there if one wants to fold laundry that close to the cat box which I do not. Emma is 19 so I do not think there will be a cat box there long term.

I am taking Friday off. It is supposed to be really hot wed -- fri, like 95-98 so I hope I do not regret taking Friday off. Abc has AC. That is much hotter than is typical in Seattle. It does not usually get above the upper 80s in the very hottest part of summer.
Doug's upper GI today went ok. Some signs of reflux but nothing serious. They could not do the colonoscopy - things had not entirely cleared out down there. They plan to go it tomorrow. Mom got a good night of sleep & sounded less frazzled though she still cannot say colonoscopy & keeps saying amnesia for anemia. She really has a mental block on any type of medical terminology & always has.

He is sleeping a lot. That is probably the best he can do right now. it sounds like he is stabilizing physically but will need to continue to treat the anemia & see what the biopsies reveal. Unless he needs a major surgery I think he might get to go home in a few days. They have a nursing facility at the place they live so even if he needed additional care he could still go back to Judson park.

Work was better than yesterday. They asked if my team wanted to work OT this weekend & I just did not answer.

I was so tired I wanted to skip Ballard art walk but I needed to run a few errands anyway so I compromised & went to 1 venue only, not the 4 I wanted to go to. Sure is nice at greenwood artwalk having 7 galleries under 1 roof. Very convenient.
this aspect of aging that involves becoming unable to make decisions is quite baffling. i mean i recognize that it exists and i see it happen but it's still baffling on some level. my mother called me today and chatted about this and that and then said she wanted my opinion on something.

she said doug came out of the bedroom last night and was a bit distressed and not walking right and something seemed to be wrong for a few minutes though he was able to speak a word or 2. she asked him to smile and he was able to but she did not know the other stroke warning signs. or could not remember. (remember he had a massive stroke 2.5 years ago) she helped him to the bathroom and back to bed and he seemed better and as usual today so she thought it was a TIA, which it does sound like.

but she could have called someone there -- they have medical people on call, they have panic buttons, she has a phone and a cell phone. they have staff 24 hours, or she could have taken doug to the ER, or called 911. but she did not know what to do so she did nothing other than keeping a close eye on him. since he sounds ok now i told her to call his dr. tomorrow and made her promise, and made her promise to tell his daughter. she said she did not want nancy to worry and i said well if there is something wrong that he can get help for then he needs to get that help. also helped her make a plan for the future. (she has 3 options, use the panic buttons or call front desk, call 911, or take doug to ER herself. i think in this case number 1 or 3 would have been good options, i do not think he needed an ambulance for this situation. at least last time she did call 911 though she did not find him until hours later and this time she was present at the time. well, i am glad they are moved there where there is help, she just needs to learn to ask for it.

also their house is on market and they have 1 offer but are hoping for more. the ad said they wanted offers by tuesday. the 1st offer is for list price and cash, though they are hoping to get a little more, they wouldn't be unhappy with that offer if there are not any more, and closing soon would be good.

audin left sometime friday for olympia, then did not get home till this morning. so i could not have gone with him unless i missed work and artwalk (which actually i would have if he asked me to) - the funeral was yesterday. he seems a little.. relieved i guess? well i think a little. maybe it provides a little closure though i am sure he is thinking about his mom all the time. i kept thinking of her when i was cleaning yesterday, she picked out these dishes i am putting away, etc. his house is filled with things she made or gave him. which is both happy and sad. i don't know what happened with emma, he did not bring her home. that is the cat. she probably only has a year or 2, poor thing has thyroid condition and is at least 14 years old. it is silly but i feel so sad that judy did not get to see emma one more time and say goodbye, and that emma did not get to see her.

artwalk was really exhausting and i did a few sort of ding bat things and everyone was laughing at me, not really in a mean way but i was starting to feel kind of upset about it. i am sure they really don't know how exhausted i am by 10pm on a friday or how much my joints hurt at the end of essentially a day and a half of work at the end of the week. it is really the 1 day a month i do anything besides work. at one point i was trying to locate bubble wrap and ring up a sale at the same time, trying to get by 2 gallery members standing oblivious in the middle of the doorway to the back room and i hit my face against the door frame trying to get past them and now i have a bruise next to my eye. it is not a black eye though.

i made about 1/2 of rent. no one was selling a lot though at least we had more people than we have in months so that was really good. 1st time we have had wine so maybe i should bring some next month. i brought meat and cheese and crackers and mallory made beautiful cookies. she is a cookie artist. she made cookies shaped like gems to go with her new series or artwork. we sold a ton of stickers last night. everyone that had stickers was selling a lot. there was a fight between 2 members, which seems to always happen, and i am pretty tired of that. josh was really being a jerk but that is so out of character and he was leaving that night for 3 months in spain and i think he was really stressed and worried about getting everything done and getting to airport and i wanted to give him a pass on that but rob was being a butt. rob is frequently a butt. it is so surprising he is not an only child because he acts like an only 3-year-old so much of the time, but he's 40 and has a brother. i got home around 11 and felt sort of anxious, which i had felt all day, so it took much longer than usual to go to sleep.

i made myself do my chores yesterday even though i was sore and just wanted to stay in bed all day. i cleaned my room and the kitchen and dining room and my bathroom which was really overdue. today i felt tired and sore and i did some stuff for WA sales taxes and knit a little but not much else. just too tired today. i guess i am depressed too which is why i am exhausted and sore and unmotivated.

i was talking to travis at the gallery about mj for pain / ibs and he made some suggestions and said he would go shopping with me sometime if i wanted and told me what store to go to. they are having a sale on tuesday, 25% off. he had these drinks that actually sounded ok too. and he said there is stuff that's like sugar you put in your tea and that would be good for a beginner. i think we do have a lot of things you don't have in areas without legal rec. and it seems like almost everyone i know who is younger than me is a regular partaker, it must be a huge business in this area.

the shawl i started is neringa.

i am doing rectangular version. the yarn is hand painted rose/orange/red/magenta - all sunset colors with a thin metallic flash. not pastels but sort of midtones. and then the trim color is really bright saturated sunset colors- red/ magenta/orange. they are both handpainted yarns. the trim color will match what my hair was like before it faded. and i am going to redo my hair but after i finish the dental work (1 more session) just because that kind of expensive! it will probably take me that long to finish the shawl anyway. my hair has faded to more hot pink to strawberry blond now. just the stripes, the rest is still dark brown with white.

Jan. 6th, 2017

Don't read fb if you want a quiet evening. I mentioned my old friend Alan had killed himself 2 weeks ago... well things just got ugly.
The cast:
Alan / old friend, then not so much but once a friend.
Kelly / his wife -once a friend
Laura / Kelly's sister- a friend
Noel / Kelly's sister - part of artist community I am in. Sort of friend? Acquaintance. Not anymore. Oh, in a relationship with an abusive Man who asked me out when they were apart for a bit & she had a restraining order against him (I said no & she does not know)

Noel just posted a message on fb saying Kelly murdered Alan. Laura freaked out and said delete this now. Noel kept going on & on saying Kelly was just using Alan for money & she was with her other lovers (they did have an open marriage which I do not personally get but that was their choice) & implying that Laura was in love with Alan (I do not believe that, she loved him, he was her bil whom she had known for 25 years) and .. it was awful. I finally told her that this was not an appropriate conversation for fb & she was hurting Laura.

1) Alan had a history of depression. While I was shocked this happened & everyone was, it was not unimaginable.& there were signs. There always are even if you do not see them until later.
2) Noel is mentally ill, Moreso than Alan was, & this is not the 1st time she has pulled a stunt like this but it is the worst.
3) Noel had been angsting all over fb about his death when I am pretty sure she was not speaking to either of them until he died. & I believe she threatened to kill them at one point when she was mad at them. Not that anyone believed her, they just believed that she was bat shit crazy.

Geez I do not really know what Kelly has been going thru -other than hell -but I have spoken to Laura who is devastated about Alan & now her own sister does this? Who the fuck accuses their sister of murder on fb?
Quiet New Year's Eve at home reading a book. AUDIN went to his favorite pub & read his book - Stalin & the bomb. I was reading an agent Pendergast novel. And drinking a sweet tea vodka martini. I went U.K. Sleep before midnight but was awoken by fireworks our stupid neighbors were setting off. I wondered about Sigrun but did not get up to check in her. I did get up at 4am for a snack & she came rocketing up the basement stairs asking for treats so I guess she had been hiding for 4 hours. AUDIN came home with phone photos of the hedgehog & cat who were at the bar. Who takes a cat to a bar? The hedgehog was a white one - cute. The one I had was not
Very friendly. He bit. In general I do not think they make the best pets are they are fairly antisocial.

I got up & did some overdue cleaning while I wanted for AUDIN to emerge from his lair. We went out to breakfast & the coffee is weak today which seems unwise on New Year's Day.
Christmas morning AUDIN & I went out to a French cafe with our friends Sam & Sharon. The coffee was great & it was very quiet & relaxing. I think there was nutmeg in my omelet. It was good. Parking was great which is not usually the case on capital hill. Then we stopped by the Scandinavian store so he could get treats for his family & I got some too. I probably should have gotten some cookies but they were sold out of krumkake & frystakake. AUDIN said he brought home some leafed from his mom's. I made cheesecake truffles - which were easy to make and could be easy make gluten free but not dairy free. The recipe is in the kraft website - they make Philadelphia cream cheese. My mom came up and we sat on the couch with Sigrun for a while. AUDIN had already gone south by then. Sigrun was so sweet to linger as she isn't much of a lap cat. Then we went to my 2nd cousin's house who lives 2 blocks from me. They have a 3 year old & a 5 year old. Both boys. The little boys gave a special bag they leave under the tree called the giving bag & they pick out toys to give yo santa for santa to give yo other kids. They also left santa fizzy water & celery & watermelon.

I spent xmas night at my parent's. old people logic - smoke alarm has been beeping for 4 days, they are too short to teach it & it does not bother them so they just left it. I was not sure what room it was in so I left it too but did it sleep well. Found I Saturday morning & removed battery. They did not have any more 9 volts so my stepsister said she will replace it today. (No-not worried about fire, in that part of house there are 4 smoke alarms w/I a few feet of each other. There are 3 small bedrooms & a hall right next to each other & all have alarms.) then the sink plugged after dinner, a new holiday tradition. We used all the draino on thasgiving so I suggested a plunger & that worked.

Mom made potroast with onions & carrots & potatoes & my stepsister made rolls & apple pie. It was just my parents & my stepsister Nancy & me. Very quiet. We talked mostly about the love in 6ish weeks, what day to move, what to keep, what to get rid of, who would do what, etc. I helped mom go thru some stuff & put 3 boxes of weaving magazines in her car that will be donated to one of her weaving guilds (she will still have access) & we filled a box and a half of cookbooks to donate. I took a few. Of course she is still trying to save small pieces of string - this is a woman with an entire wall of yarn. She took 11 handwoven scarfs on xmas eve & gave 9 to family. Everyone seemed to like them. They should - they are gorgeous scarves that would cost $200 & up - lots of hand painted warps, silk, chinille, undulated twill & done iredescents. I got 2 at thanksgiving.

It appears I am being assigned to unpacking & organizing, not physically moving, whew. I feel embarrassed. It just carrying those boxes of books wore me out & highlighted how I need to find an iron supplement I can take because this is not normal.

My stepsister gave me a ride some. Sigrun had been alone overnight with plenty of food but she was so happy to see her people. AUDIN had spent the night in Olympia. It was nice to sleep in my own bed. My mom talks a lot & the tv is always on so quiet is nice. Back to work tomorrow. Do not know when I will see Peter & hope to see Janusz but I do not know.. I have gifts for them. Peter got the kids a 10 week Newfoundland puppy named Kiki, I hope I get To meet her.